Cancer sucks...

Boy, did I mention I hate cancer? In the last 24 hours I have found out that 2 close college friends are now waiting to hear if they have cancer. One is a male and one is a female. The female's husband called me to pray for her, and I hadn't talked to them in years. He didn't even know about my summer fun with cancer and I told him not to be burdened by not knowing, but since she is waiting on a diagnosis for a female related cancer I was able to give him so brief information on what he might be facing and reassurrance that her particular situation isn't as dire as he might fear given the specifics. I guess now I am beginning to see one of the reasons God had me do all that research on cancer this summer, not just for me, but hopefully to benefit others. Please pray for both of these people. They both have families and kids and I know first hand the waiting is one of the worst things in the world, because your mind fills with all the worst possible scenarios.

I have been feeling a little better the last two days. I had been in bed for 5 days in a row, so I am happy to be somewhat functional again. When I contacted the Dr. about my persistant cough and sinus issues, he finally said that it may be that this may be a side affect of chemo for me that I have to deal with each round. Since I have already been through two rounds of antibiotics and 3 1/2 weeks later I am still not "well" yet, I am beginning to think he may be right. He said it is a rare type of side effect, but it has happened in his experience.

Since the last two days may be the best I feel for the next several weeks I have tried to catch up on thank you notes, paperwork, house stuff and general house work, trying to find a balance between not over doing it and actually being productive. I actually got up and got Bethany ready for school and on the bus today for the first time in two weeks. Jeff really needed the sleep and I even had time to braid Bethany's hair. I am sure the teacher noticed it and realized that Mommy did Bethany's hair today. (not that Jeff does a bad job, but he is a simple hair clip kind of guy, and I don't blame him. He has come a long way in 5 years on the girl hair thing. I am proud of him.)

The highlight of the last few days was when we shared at church on Sunday at the morning and evening services. I was still feeling kind of sick, but it was worth the yucky feeling to get out of the house and share our story in the midst of the storm. We shared about my cancer, Jeff's dad's cancer, Jeff's job loss and the date order of all the major surgeries, events this summer. We started the talk by listing all the plans we had for ourselves this year, then we redirected to God's plans for us this year. I actually heard audible gasps when we said that Jeff had lost his job the day I started chemo. I wanted to scream, "yes, life does suck, you don't have to tell me, but guess what, I AM STILL HERE NOW!" We really wanted to convey to the church (keep in mind they are 95% college students) that even in the center of the fire God is standing in our midst with us. It doesn't mean we aren't mad or sad or angry. It doesn't mean we think its fair or like it, it just means he is weeping with us. It was a huge blessing to us to reflect on the last few months in a whole picture and to see how far God really has carried us (and I do mean carry, no walking with me here, he has been dragging me.) through the last few months. We were flooded by people coming up to us after wanting to help in any way they could. Three different girls came up to us with tears in their eyes asking to cook, clean, babysit, anything they could. We exchanged numbers and I am hearing from God (not a whisper anymore) that I need to swallow my pride and call these people when we need help. I have already lined up a meal and 2 babysitting needs, you guys would be so proud of me.

Its funny in "cancer circles" a lot of people complain that others are so insensitive about what they say or do when they hear you have cancer. However, I feel like I have really seen the best in people since my diagnosis. People I had frankly written off in my life have been my support, people I barely knew have become cheerleaders and strangers have begged to have the opportunity to help. Just as I watched the replay of the 9/11 tragedy this week and how it brought out the best in this country, I have seen my personal tragedy has really brought out the best in people in my life.

This Tuesday will be my last AC treatment and the official halfway point of my chemo treatment. I will then begin Taxol treatments which have their own set of issues which I will delve into later.

Please keep your cards, notes, emails, calls, and encouragement coming. It never gets old. When I can get this blog to let me post pictures again (for some reason it won't lately) I will post a picture of the wall I have hung all my cards on, it is awesome. I love you all.

Kat