Fall is in the air...

I love fall. I love the colder weather. I love the leaves falling. I am not a huge football fan, but I do love the excitement that brews in this little college town on each football game day. I have noticed that the recent weather change has made me feel better when I look to the mountains and see the most beautiful canvas created by God. I have felt better in recent days emotionally. I know I am so blessed and I often waver back and forth between life's daily dose of whatever I am supposed to consume for that day and my overwhelming sense of how many awesome things and people I have around me.

I have to laugh after my last blog entry, because those of you who were so quick to respond to how down in the dumps I was feeling over people's reactions to me, were exactly the people who DID NOT fit into that category. You all, and you know how you are, are the ones who emailed me to reassure me that you love and care for me. You all, are the ones who sent me letter and cards, words of encouragement and heartfelt notes to reassure me I wasn't forgotten. I guess it is likely you all who are left still reading this blog so faithfully, thus the ones who have been my support team holding my arms up, when I could no longer face the battle, are the ones I wasn't concerned about. Thank you for your hugs long distance, I really did feel hugged. I have to continually remind myself that this journey is not forever and that each ache and pain I feel physically or emotionally is only temporary.

Last week's chemo was a long day. Its a bummer with Taxol, that even though it has been overall easier on me, the day of chemo itself is a very long one. I leave the house at 7:30 am and don't return until 5:30 pm. Just writing that made me realize that cancer really is a full time job literally and figuratively. No amount of books, tv and chatting with my chemo buddy, Barb (she is on the same exact schedule I am and usually arrives at chemo about an hour after me) can fill that time and make it something fun.

I was feeling great the night of chemo and the next day. Not necessarily my normal self, but great in chemo terms. However, Thursday I woke up and everything screeched to a halt. I had terrible body pain and I was laid up all day. I felt like you do when you have a fever and everything hurts to even touch. Even my nails and teeth Hurt. I took a full range of my arsenal of pain meds, which helped with the pain but left me feeling groggy. I have felt better the last few days, but still have quite a bit of stiffness and random pains that kick in like "charlie horse's" when I least expect it. It feels like I have been standing on my feet all day. It is still easier to deal with then the side effects of AC, but not necessarily pleasant to deal with. I keep repeating, "2 more treatments, 2 more treatments."

Jeff took a weekend off from work this weekend, I was proud of him. I can't of tricked him into it. His sister Stefanie came up for the weekend and only I knew she was coming. I told Jeff he would need to clear some time for some stuff this weekend, but didn't tell him what. He feels a little overwhelmed with the amount of work facing him today, but we both agreed the time with his sister was worth it.

Our dear project foreman had his last day on our house project on Friday. I took 5 pages of notes of items we would now need to watch, follow up with, or keep an eye on. After a pointed note to the builder about the status of our project, we feel we are getting a bit more attention, but I also fear their frustration with us now becoming "difficult homeowners" has created a feeling that they will do the minimum to just get the project done. I don't know where the balance is between "the squeaky wheel gets the oil." and not just plain pissing them off with all of our frustration and pestering. I won't just sit on my hands and do nothing, we have too much vested in this project, but I also recognize that you can piss people off so much that they don't want to move a single inch more then they absolutely have to to help you out. We are skirting very close on this balance everyday. I have given up being in our home by Thanksgiving, now I am hoping for being in by my surgery on December 19th. I have resigned myself to the fact that we won't be putting up Christmas stuff this year, bummer.

I have continued to make soap when I can. I don't want to run out of anything like I did for a few things last year. I have also added some new items like, pink ribbon ducks ($1 of which will go to Young Survival Coalition, the organization for women under 40 with BC, I live on their site.) I also added a "no more stinky feet soap" with loofah chunks in it, a lemon soap, an orange soap, race car ducks, Jewish/Israel ducks, armed forces ducks, profession ducks, and on....and on. I hope to have my site updated after my show so people can start ordering again. Someday.

The kids are good, we picked out our pumpkins yesterday at the pumpkin patch. We did the hayride, maze and pumpkin thing. I don't care much for carving pumpkins, but I LOVE pumpkin seeds so I will likely pop them all open to at least get the seeds out so I can roast them. I am salivating just thinking about them. Yummy. The verdict is still out on what, if anything, we will do for Halloween. I would love to find a good church festival in town. I am not a big fan of the trick or treating thing.

Well I hope you all will be blessed as much as you bless me this week.

Love
Kat