Heavy Hearts

Yesterday was a good day for us in the beginning. We got a good report from my pathology report. I won't know the details of the hormone status, etc. until the full report comes out later, but the two biggest things I found out yesterday were great. The nodes were benign or clear for cancer and I have "clear margins" on the tumor. This means the Dr. was able to cut completely around it and there are no spidery roots or small pieces traveling out. This is also good because it means he didn't have to cut into the tumor at all in order to get it out. This helps with the likelihood of spreading, because anytime you have to cut into a tumor you risk the chance of small cells getting lose and spreading into the bloods stream. It turns out the tumor was less than 2 cm, in all it is about the size of an almond. We got home at 3:00 pm and felt like it was a good day. We even made the comment that it was the best day we had had in a while.

At 4:00 pm we received a call from Jeff's parents. Yesterday, Jeff's dad was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. We both felt like we had been punched in the stomach all over again. Can this really be happening to our family all over again? The all too familiar chorus of telling each other that more tests were needed and this could be fought was ringing through the house. I jumped on the web (on some of the same great sites I had become all too familiar with) and began facing down the new beast that invaded our family. I am a firm believer in being informed on the evils we face, like cancer. What's the expression, "keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer?"

Its the first time in all of this I have been mad at God. I know he doesn't promise us smooth waters in life. All you gotta do is look at Job, Jonah, or Paul in the Bible to realize this. But I feel like we have barely come up for air before another wave hits. I hate that I have to decide how much of this I can take on emotionally in order to preserve my own health, it makes me hurt just thinking about the choice.

I hurt for those of you who are being hit by a double whammy. There are many of you reading this who know both of us dearly. I just ask that you pray twice the prayers in coming months. I guess it will be easy to add another name to the same types of prayers you are giving for us. Jeff's dad's name is, Walt, for those of you who would like to add him to your lists. He is a wonderfully caring man, and I know from previous health issues, that he won't complain a bit and we won't know he's in pain, even if he is. If my husband continues to grow in his father's image I will consider myself wonderfully blessed. Jeff has grown up with a a true man as a father, who I know will confront this cancer with the same grace and perserverance he has with all areas of his life. I could only aspire to do the same.

As for the humor side of things. (there has to be for us even in the darkest moments, or we would sit around and feel sorry for ourselves way too much) We told Walt that even though he knew I was cool, the whole "trying to be like Kat" was being taken way too far, and in fact it is not cool to get cancer just because Kat has made cancer cool. We also told him we would purchase him his very own, "Cancer Sucks" t-shirt, but in blue, not pink.