Monday, June 12th

Yesterday, was a better day. We decided to resolve the church telling issue by just writing it on the collection card. It some ways it was kind of wimping out, but I just didn't have the strength to tell people face to face. The church response was awesome. We were flooded with phone calls from near and far of immediate action. Two of the pastors came over Sunday night and prayed with us, anointed me, and gave us communion. It makes me so happy to be part of NLCF. I have a feeling we will need to rely on these people more in months to come, especially in help with the kids.

Today I have my first consultation with a surgeon. I am anxious to develop a plan of attack. I have been reading and researching on the web all weekend and I feel like I have a greater understanding of what is happening and what I am dealing with. I keep having this vision in my head of jumping into a boxing ring with pink silk shorts on and giant boxing gloves. I see this sea of friends and family behind me and "the cancer" across the ring. I feel like he has 1 point in the first round, but I have come into this round swinging with a vengeance.

The surgeon we met with today was nice. We literally picked his name out of our health insurance book. He was knowledgeable, but does not specialize in breast surgery. He agreed with our decision to have a double mastectomy. Though my cancer is small and caught early, at my age and chance of recurrence we've agreed to take the most aggressive or "conservative" approach on all our treatments. Starting with a complete double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. Some people have had a hard time understanding why someone would choose such a radical procedure, so I will try and explain my thoughts a little bit so you all will understand where our hearts are.

Once I got the cancer diagnosis I just felt like I wanted this thing, and anything that caused it, out of my body. I lost all attachment to my self image issues that might be related to how I would feel without breasts and immediately clung to the idea that I would fight this S.O.B. called cancer head on. If I were 60 and I got the same diagnosis, I might make a different decision. However, I have learned that premenopausal Breast cancer is a whole different beast. The chance of recurrence for my type of cancer goes from 3% for post-menopausal women to 20% for premenopausal women. By having a double mastectomy I lower those odds quite a bit. Take that CANCER!!! I feel like I have an obligation to my kids and husband to be around to nag them for many more years.

Here is the good news of this day and age. I get to do immediate reconstruction. See tomorrow's blog and I will discuss my new found appreciation for plastic surgery.